June 23, 2015: Today was the launch day for Pebbles in the Pond, Wave 4: Transforming the World One Person at a Time. We had an online call to promote the book, with more than 700 people listening in to hear us share a bit of insight regarding our own transformational experiences.
Beforehand, during the pre-launch call for the authors, I had another breakthrough on my journey of self…thanks to what seems like a cosmic joke pulled on me in order to teach a lesson.
To set the stage, I’ve got to go back to how I felt at retreat, the five days that Christine Kloser organized for us in order so that we authors could meet each other. I had thought retreat would be a social event only; instead it turned out to be what I call transformational therapy, or so it was for me.
Not feeling comfortable opening up in front of everyone, I was nervous about speaking to the group. People saw me as calm and self-assured, but inside I was quaking. It wasn’t until the third day of the retreat, working in a group of three, that two dear souls, Jeanne and Susan, helped me tear back some of my protective layers by bringing forth experiences that had shaped my psyche.
Patterns of any kind after a while become habit. Sometimes one has the habit so long that there is no recollection of how it started. Mine…squelching my voice, not wanting to make waves, avoiding conflict…had been long running.
Over time, my Slavic temperament from my dad’s side has shown itself and, if provoked, my anger can come forth quickly, rushing out and over ingrained patterns. The real challenge has been getting up in front of a group to speak, expressing my opinion or sharing a personal experience.
So tonight, picture this, I dial in to the pre-launch 45 minute call just for us authors. I’m only 2 minutes late, but it seems as if nearly everyone has introduced themselves. Another five of the group chime in, but Christine, our facilitator, doesn’t hear my voice. I thought, “Well, I’ve a good excuse not to speak. At least I showed up.”
After 35 minutes, Christine seems to think that everyone present has spoken. I yell into the computer several times through Skype, “I’m here!”, but no one can hear me. I dial into the conference call on the regular phone, simultaneously while on Skype, and still no one can hear me. At this point, I have Christine speaking through two sources, one delayed so that there is an echo. I’m rattled.
We’re close to going on air with the call to the public; Christine asks every author to press star-2 so that she can see which line belongs to whom. I frantically press the keys, a half dozen times or more.
Something changed in me: I wanted to be heard!
And finally I was, just in time to go on the air.
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